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It was then that I realized what my problem was. When I had programmed myself to deal with Brenda, I gave myself a command phrase, "pussy pleasure," but I didn't give myself a key phrase to counter act "pussy pleasure."I was going to have to put myself under so that I could turn off this desire to have Brenda between my legs.Once I understood the problem I was able to relax and go to sleep. I decided not to do anything about my desires until I was done with Brenda the following night.Chapter 22Tuesday morning I went out for breakfast to a little diner I had seen on my way into town. It was about a three-block walk from my motel. After breakfast, I changed and went to the beach for a few hours. The funny thing was that from the time I woke up that morning until I got back to my room from the beach later that afternoon, I felt none of the sexual arousal I had felt the night before. While I was lying on the beach, I thought about what I was going to do that night but it didn't excite me. "Gloria looked at her watch and then said, "Hey guys, we need to go or we will be late for class." The three of them got up and I sat there and watched them go and wondered what was the real reason behind their little visit.I got some inkling of it when all of a sudden I started running into Annie wherever I went. I began thinking that the apology was just to clear the air and distance Annie from the 'meathead' so I would see her in a different light. Don't ask me why I had that thought because I don't honestly know. God knows it wasn't because I was a sought after guy and was used to being pursued. Far from it. I'd only had one fairly long term relationship in my young life and that one had ended badly when Sarah dropped me for the starting full-back on our high school football team. I did have the satisfaction of seeing him drop her for one of the cheerleaders, but that was small comfort.I pretty much stayed away from girls after that. I planned on waiting until I got to college.
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